a letter;

Dear whoever,
I was sms-ing Aidah awhile ago and we were talking about the future, what the world has in store for us etcetra.

Which got me thinking, 'What do I want to do after this? If I make it to a JC, what do I want to do?' Right now, I have no motivation whatsoever to work hard and achieve what I want. That's because I don't know what to achieve. I have no plans up ahead. It makes my whole life aimless and I hate the feeling. It makes going or studying in a JC pointless because I don't know what I want. I'm so used to my life having people tell me go here or go there, going according to where they want me to go that this education life isn't mine at all. It's becoming theirs. They can't pursue it so they're making me do it. It sucks.

Well, now that I have investigated (not fully) and decide on what I want at the end of the day, I think I'll go through the next few years to bully my brains into absorbing as much facts as possible so that I'm more prepared when I face the big exams and I don't have to keep worrying about how well/badly I did anymore just like what happened before the release of the O's. I know what I want now, so if you could please bug off and don't try to change my path anymore. I'm sick of people being that bloody obstacle. The path is so direct but I'm always being that good kid and following people's orders and at the end of the day, i'm slogging my energy out for people and not for me. So I will appreciate if you just leave that decision to me.

Signed,
Hidayah

ps. Time flies really fast now.